On singin' and dancin'
Feb. 2nd, 2009 12:21 amSo... CGMC had its first choreography rehearsal today, and it kicked my ass, both physically and mentally. Physically, just because I've lost the callouses I used to have on my toes from Dance Guild -- I'm feeling hot spots on both big toes. Also, note to self: bring/wear shorts next time.
The more annoying thing is the mental fatigue. I feel like I've reverted to 1996. Back at the beginning of high school, I was completely uncoordinated; choreography for choir shows was an ugly thing set on my body, all gangly and unfluid. But by the end of high school, even if I wasn't the best dancer ever, I at least looked like I knew what I was doing. Well, it's been almost nine years since I did any of that. And I thought I was doing ok, but then we moved to a room with mirrors, and... y'all. As I said walking to the car, I'm too butch for this shit. And I feel heavy, and kludgy, and ungraceful. And it's not helping that I ended dancing a lot tonight right in front of our guy playing Joseph, who is himself a dancer. And... fuck. I felt all of 14 again, all "I look a moron in front of the cool kid." I'm a smart, sexy, hilarious, accomplished man, and yet I felt like zilch. Fuck this shit. I'm better than the way I'm feeling. But right now my streak of perfectionism is really getting to me -- nothing to do for it but just keep trying. I've mastered my body before, and I can do it again. I just hope I can do it in the next month and a half.
The more annoying thing is the mental fatigue. I feel like I've reverted to 1996. Back at the beginning of high school, I was completely uncoordinated; choreography for choir shows was an ugly thing set on my body, all gangly and unfluid. But by the end of high school, even if I wasn't the best dancer ever, I at least looked like I knew what I was doing. Well, it's been almost nine years since I did any of that. And I thought I was doing ok, but then we moved to a room with mirrors, and... y'all. As I said walking to the car, I'm too butch for this shit. And I feel heavy, and kludgy, and ungraceful. And it's not helping that I ended dancing a lot tonight right in front of our guy playing Joseph, who is himself a dancer. And... fuck. I felt all of 14 again, all "I look a moron in front of the cool kid." I'm a smart, sexy, hilarious, accomplished man, and yet I felt like zilch. Fuck this shit. I'm better than the way I'm feeling. But right now my streak of perfectionism is really getting to me -- nothing to do for it but just keep trying. I've mastered my body before, and I can do it again. I just hope I can do it in the next month and a half.