Rotate the foodstuffs!

You know what sucks?  Being a moron.  As in, you're making "Beer-glazed black beans" from Mark Bittman's recipe in How to Cook Everything Vegetarian, and you don't keep canned black beans on hand.  But that's ok, because you have a pressure cooker; that really speeds up the process.  So you do the hour-long quick soak (even with a pressure cooker you can't escape that), and then you load up the cooker to cook the beans for twenty minutes.  And then you're standing at the counter fixing some hot tea because it frickin' cold outside what the hell, the weather?, and suddenly the pressure cooker starts to vomit water out the side, which is a little appalling.  But you squeeze the two halves of the handle together, because sometimes you have to do that briefly to complete the seal.  And it certainly does stop belching water onto the stove, but then it starts to toss water out through the weight, which can't be a good thing.  And then you kill heat cause, hey, whoa buddy, and you grab the tongs to remove the weight and drop pressure quick before the thing explodes, and the cooker continues intermittently pissing bean water into the air for a minute or so.  Which is fun.

And why?  Because beans foam, and you have to include some oil in the pot to inhibit that action, otherwise -- you guessed it -- the cooker will belch water, act weird, and possibly explode* if a bean skin gets caught in the valve stem.  And you didn't include any oil, because you're a dolt.

But the beans turn out well in the end.

*Well, actually, release one of the many redundant pressure valves in a modern pressure cooker.  It's quite safe.  But that's beside the point.