On singin' and dancin'

[yrmencyn]

So... CGMC had its first choreography rehearsal today, and it kicked my ass, both physically and mentally.  Physically, just because I've lost the callouses I used to have on my toes from Dance Guild -- I'm feeling hot spots on both big toes.  Also, note to self: bring/wear shorts next time.

The more annoying thing is the mental fatigue.  I feel like I've reverted to 1996.  Back at the beginning of high school, I was completely uncoordinated; choreography for choir shows was an ugly thing set on my body, all gangly and unfluid.  But by the end of high school, even if I wasn't the best dancer ever, I at least looked like I knew what I was doing.  Well, it's been almost nine years since I did any of that.  And I thought I was doing ok, but then we moved to a room with mirrors, and... y'all.  As I said walking to the car, I'm too butch for this shit.  And I feel heavy, and kludgy, and ungraceful.  And it's not helping that I ended dancing a lot tonight right in front of our guy playing Joseph, who is himself a dancer.  And... fuck.  I felt all of 14 again, all "I look a moron in front of the cool kid."  I'm a smart, sexy, hilarious, accomplished man, and yet I felt like zilch.  Fuck this shit.  I'm better than the way I'm feeling.  But right now my streak of perfectionism is really getting to me -- nothing to do for it but just keep trying.  I've mastered my body before, and I can do it again.  I just hope I can do it in the next month and a half.

Comments

[cheerybeggar.livejournal.com]

That sucks, I'm sorry. I am confident you will be ok in the end, though.

[yrmencyn.livejournal.com]

thank you.

[angelictigress.livejournal.com]

Remember learning to polka?

You'll be fine!

try practicing at home to the music.

[yrmencyn.livejournal.com]

Heh. I do remember learning the polka. And I did practice in the shower just now, proving to myself that my MEMORY's fine; it's more a matter of, you know, grace.

[whisperwheel.livejournal.com]

I say this as a choreographer who knows bodies: You will be fine. Everyone looks like an idiot on the first night. :-)

[rnbowpixy.livejournal.com]

I'm a smart, sexy, hilarious, accomplished man

You go gir...erm...guy!

My apologies, it just sounded so wonderfully out of Cosmo that I couldn't resist. Not that its not a perfectly true statement in its own right :)

[osucssndr.livejournal.com]

Moleskin or duct tape. :)